Mario Kart Mayhem: Diddy’s Challenge


I felt the wind in my fur. The sweat drops were cumulating and falling down my face. I was lucky to have big arches above my eyes which stopped them from drenching them in burning salty excretions. And that wouldn’t be good. I’d fall off the course to certain death. Rainbow Road is a dangerous place to be on.

I could see the shell of the bastard in front of me, the only one between me and my long longed for 1st place in the Star Cup. I just wanted to smack his ass to hell with my green shell. He’s going down, I thought. Lucky for him I could only see the neck hair of the stinking Koopa in the foreground of my vision. I pushed my cart to the extreme and as I accelerated I felt its engine roar as in a protest. We were connected, the cart and I, and it knew as well as I did that the smallest mistake would throw us off the ledge. And that would be a nasty affair.

I had grown tired of 50 cc faster than my father had. Then 100 cc felt a little better, but 150 cc was my game. Anything less and I wouldn’t apply to the race. Racing meant everything to me. For me and my father racing was more like a religion in our book. Well, never the less we still made our prayers to The Lord before going to sleep as no ape, or in my case, no monkey, would like to die doing what they loved.

Yes, my father held first place during two of three laps. No, he never reached the finish line. I had already seen Bowser, notoriously known as King Koopa in the underground criminal districts, blast my father into smithereens with his Blue Winged Shell. As I drove forward I got pieces of his blood drenched fur in my face just as Bowser passed on. He had Mario’s head on the back fender to scare the rest of the competitors. I wasn’t scared. I was looking for vengeance but that opportunity was taken from me by the stinking green-shelled Koopa in front of me when he betrayed his King by killing him with a wicked thunderbolt. I guess someone must’ve been sabotaging with the fairly harmless weapons.

The roads were covered with crimson blood from other slaughtered racers. I guess the weapons weren’t as harmless now as they used to be. If I couldn’t have my revenge on Bowser I guess I just had to murder the Koopa which had stolen that opportunity from me. An eye for an eye, as my father used to say.

The race had escalated from a friendly race into a bloodbath as soon as Birdo had released her first Red Shell and hit Yoshi in the head, smashing it and releasing the reddest blood ever seen on the racing court. Bad move. Waluigi, Baby Mario, Baby Luigi, Princess Peach and some other unmentionable Wii -avatar characters lost control over their carts and motorcycles when they slid on the red fluid and flew over the edge. You could still hear their screams during the next lap. During the third and final one they were gone.

The next one to die was Wario which clashed together with Luigi’s lighter cart. Luigi simply abandoned his cart as it started to brittle because of the collision and jumped into the backseat of Wario’s pimped ride. He pulled up a rope and strangled his adversary as he kept his legs on the cart’s steering wheel to keep it on the road. He didn’t need to push the gas pedal; Wario already did it during his struggle which brought the cart into a roaring speed. Just as Luigi saw his own cart vanish over the road and into oblivion he felt how Wario loosened up under his grip. Quickly he pushed him aside emotionlessly and off the edge into the darkness and took control of the car. His smile said it all; he loved his new ride. To celebrate the grand theft auto he used his Green Fire Balls to put the passing Red Koopa on fire. He struggled to put off the fire for a long time before he gave up under the flames. A passing Toad slid on a banana peel, lost control, and rammed into the burning cart and went along with it over the edge.

One by one the participants lashed out with their newly found madness at each other and one by one they all perished but a few; the stinking Green Koopa in front of me, myself, Luigi behind me and behind him an even race between Daisy and Bowser Jr. of which the latter was determined to kill the Green Koopa. Not if I got to him first.

I acquired a Gold Mushroom. Finally! I used it to magically push my cart beyond it limits and past the physical velocity barrier that existed between myself and the leader of the race. Just as I passed the bastard I readied my shell. Slowly I saw him look at me with eyes of confusion as he turned his head to look at what was passing him. His face was sweaty and he has blood running down on the right side of his face. Just as he was to utter a scream of horror I threw the shell which hit him real hard; if it wasn’t for my speed the bloodbath would’ve temporarily made me blind. He still had the surprised look to his face behind all that gooey blood and whatnot as he fell into the dark borders of the course. He never realized what had hit him.

In my rear I caught a glimpse of how Daisy stuffed Bowser Jr.’s mouth with a banana peel suffocating him to death. His cart slowed down and Daisy effortlessly passed him just to set after Luigi. Bowser Jr. abandoned his cart and tried to choke up the banana peel to no avail; moments later he fell down on the road with open frightened eyes. Bowser Jr. was a goner.

Luigi and Daisy struggled to get past each other and then past me, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. I had too much of a lead. Thank you Question Mark Box for giving me the Golden Mushroom. Now I’ll have to honour my father by winning this shit. I stepped on the gas and the cart once again gave its protesting sound but this time it felt as if it protested against me not stepping on it earlier to really ensure the victory.

As I passed the finish line I felt the presence of my father, the notorious Donkey Kong, or as he was called in my neighbourhood, King Kong. He told me that I had brought the most honour into the household with my victory and that I should now try to save him. He was still breathing down there in the bottom of the course as he’d been cushioned by Mario’s decapitated body during the collision with the ground, but he didn’t have much energy left.

Pondering over this I saw Luigi brutally punching the living crap out of Daisy as they passed the finish line with him leading slightly. If they weren’t the only one left you’d easily be able to pass them even with the slowest cart in half the velocity. It looked stupid but finally they crossed the finish line. Daisy rose up with her wasted face and her arms into the air yelling out a cry of victory. She clearly hadn’t been aware of that there only were three left alive on the course. But Luigi The Coward had and that’s why he didn’t hesitate to beat a woman.

As I started to prepare a rescue mission to save whoever had survived, including my father, I saw Lakitu walk out of a cloud. He’d been skipping out from the fun as he saw that things got rough. Angered I took a shell knocked him unconscious. Stealing his cloud I disabled the automatic time-limit to be able to use it indefinitely and descended halfway through the track to bring up Donkey Kong from the rubble in the dark. He’d survive, but not the rest, they were already dead.

Looking at the two survivors I felt the urge to best them permanently.

I challenged them to a Battle Match.

By: The Martian Oddity

Ps. This is another of my old stories, but I never published it in my blog.

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