I’m Back! Now Playing: Wario Land 3 and 4

I’ve been playing a lot of games during my hiatus, and I’ve also been running around after the puppy (you’ll get to see him later on in a video game themed costume, obviously). Two of them were Wario Land 3 and 4.

Let’s start with the first one. I noted something in Wario Land 3 for the Gameboy Color:

wario land 3 end 1

 

These are all the people you’ve saved, right? At least it tells you as much at the ending, just before the credits. If I got this part right, and correct me if I haven’t, all those enemies you’ve tackled, burned etc. and killed off during the game were members of this people.

You’ve killed countless of enemies throughout the game and it turns out they’re humans! I know I defeated a minimum of around three or four hundred of them, and I’m being modest as I never did count how many they were.

And this “Old Man” does thank you, but not even once does he mention their losses. Not even once! That’s cold.

I always find it weird when video games do that. I mean, making it like that the enemies are actually those you’re saving, with the twist of them being enchanted into grotesque shapes and beings. Sonic The Hedgehog did it right, they had you liberating the technologically enslaved critters by defeating their metallic husks- but games like this one, and Super Mario Bros., they did it wrong. Where in SMB. the Mushroom Kingdom’s people are turned into bricks (and who you destroy!) in this game you physically attack them, and maybe even kill them in the end. Learn from SEGA, Nintendo. They know how it’s meant to be done. At least you wouldn’t end up going on a guilt trip as soon as you’ve finished the game, and getting a feeling of dread instead of a feeling of accomplishment.

wario land 3 end 2

And here’s a nostalgia tinted image (taken with the Iphone 5c retro filter) of my Pearl White Gameboy Advance SP (modded using a replacement case over a standard silver colored one). You clearly can see the improvement in image quality when compared to the images in the GBA SP mod post which was photographed using the 4s camera.

wario land 4 endAnd then I managed to beat Wario Land 4. When I got used to the timer that appears when the Pyramid Room is collapsing, when you find that key-bird, I found the game to be a breeze when compared to its predecessors. Yet I didn’t feel like playing it on Hard mode (the default mode being Normal, which I’d just played) since the time you get to finish each level is even less, and the bosses take many more hits. The time limit getting lower, and thus increasing the stress induced, and the bosses being harder even though you have a time limit already, were enough reasons for me not to play Hard Mode. I mean, who willingly wants to induce diarréa for themselves? Maybe someone without Irritable Bowel Syndrome would be able to. Not that I’m saying I have that condition, but I’d reckon that’d be a prerequisite to play games with countdowns. The package should say:

PEGI: Ages 3 and up.

Warning: Hard Mode should only be played by people not affected by IBS. If you experience any symptoms after playing that mode, please consult a physician.

That’d be a fair enough warning, right? That’d keep soiling your pants to a minimum, but I guess the underwear industry would really suffer from it- people would buy less underwear if they didn’t soil themselves as readily and as often.

wario land 4 end 2

 

And then you run off with your treasure, to Wario’s delight. That’s when the Princess is released and thanks you in a very nice way:

wario land 4 end 3Let’s frame that pretty face up, Wario. I really find that perv face hilarious. It seems as if he enjoys that kiss a little bit to much… Maybe he…

Jizzed in his pants?

 

 

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