At first I thought “Wow, that’s amazing, how did they get the rights to use these brand names on this ride? That has to be the most expensive ride to produce. Or is this another case of using the names without even caring to check for approval beforehand?”
I was wrong on both accounts. Look closer, they’re using similar names and similar symbols instead of the original ones.
- Rod Bell: This brand rides on the Red Bull fame and even has switched the iconic bulls for rams instead. The secret ingedient is Ariesine… which in contrast to Taurine only has the effect of making you sick. Ariesine simply is ram pee.
- Canale: Obvious shoddy variant of Canal +, it should be the same but lacks the extra plus, so you’d get less for the same amount of money. To be more precise, all signals broadcast analogically and are of SD quaility and of non-widescreen format.
- Air Canades and Air Cana: A total homage to Air Canada. They must love that company.
- D I I L: A lesser version of DHL, where they lose part of the cargo every time (as they’ve lost the horisontal bar on the “H”…). But D I I L are much, much cheaper. In fact, they give you money for shipping through them.
- Bobwaiser: Bob is a douche, and thus this version of Budweiser charges you more for it and dilutes the formula with additional water. The secret ingredient in this brew is spinach. Stay away.
- Coganstone: A stiffer but still less resilent version of Bridgestone, a budget variety of the same tyre, if you will. Also, it has the disadvantage that it doesn’t spin around its axis. Bummer.
- Cogan Kiddie Rides: Probably the only true brand amongst the bunch. Unless they mean Conan Kiddie Rides… which would make no sense but be a nice nod to Conan the Barbarian. Though what he considers best in life really isn’t that good at all (Crush your enemies. See them driven before you. Hear the lamentations of their women.).
- Sliell: If you don’t care about your shitty car and just want to save a buck or two, fill it up with oil and gas at this much lesser version of Shell. They offer a multitude of diluted sub-par products such as Gasolean, Trans-fat free Motor Oil and Tortoise Wax Off. The only good thing is that their tankers accidentally release oil into the pools of anti-environment corporate CEO’s… yeah. That’s it.
- Wodatone: Woda means “water” in Polish, and tone means… “tone” in English. That means that Wodatone specialize in cell phones for use underwater. Needless to say one can’t speak underwater that well, which makes it very much understandable why this company hasn’t been able to do that well.